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Christianity packed away with the other Xmas decorations

With the tattered remains of festive tinsel, Bishops throughout the land will now be stored back in the loft - alongside forgotten gym equipment, roofing felt and your furtive porn stash.. Explained one devout shopper: 'We only get our faith down for the Xmas period. After that we stuff our vicar back in a box, with his all-shiny baubles and prayers. Although inevitably, you will find a stray altar boy behind the sofa later in March.’

The tradition of using Christianity at Christmas dates back to the 1800s, when Prince Albert had a Trappist monk erected in Trafalgar Square for the amusement of the pigeons.  Nowadays households usually have a priest standing beside their TV in a bucket of water or hang illuminated clergy from their rooftops. Many households are torn between getting a real or fake clergyman, yet all agree you cannot beat the smell of a freshly cut priest

Sadly, a number of bishops suffer damage in the loft, with the Archbishop of Canterbury once hollowed out by a family of rats. Some even suffer the indignity of having their sermons mulched or thrown in a skip. Months later the only memory of 'Jesus Christ' being your yell every time you step on the pointy remains of a bishop stuck to your carpet.

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