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Corbyn caused the fall of the Roman Empire

Political consultants at Portland Communications have even released a statements accusing Jeremy Corbyn of sinking the Lusitania, membership of Khmer Rouge (or ‘Old’ Labour as they call it) and the assassination of Franz Ferdinand. They have also hired hecklers to lambast Corbyn at rallies with pithy questions like: ‘Where were you during the Permian-Triassic period when Gamma radiation destroyed 90% of marine life?’

One Blairite complained: ‘Tony Blair’s legacy will be besmirched if Corbyn stays on…admittedly Tony did a pretty good job of besmirching that himself, but that’s besmirching for you – once you’re covered in smirch it’s really hard to get that stuff off. Of all the stubborn stains, smirch is the worst. Tony was lousy with smirch. Smirch on his hands. Smirch all over his grin. Sticky and smirchy in all his intimate areas – including Alistair Campbell’.

This leaves Mr. Corbyn in the unenviable position of having to defend his role in the Crusades, 9/11 and Freddy Got Fingered. A spokesman said: ‘Corbyn shot Bambi’s Mum.’

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