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Covid Marshals will become vigilante superheroes.




The only super-power they will have, is the ability to squirt hand-sanitizer from a tube concealed in their shirt sleeve and shout ‘Avengers Assemble’ – as long as they are in groups of six or less.


Rumours that bats started the virus in the first place have led to local councils squandering cash on a large bat signal. They had toyed with the idea of a distress beacon depicting a Chinese bio-chemical weapons lab, but in the end every felt more comfortable blaming the bats.


Marshals will be mild-mannered citizens by day but by night they will become masked avengers, bravely asking you not to sit too close together in the park. Every Marshall will be permitted one arch-nemesis, but only if they are from the same household. Explained one potential vigilante: ‘I did have a side-kick but he’s self-isolating now. It turns out spandex leggings are no substitute for a good mask.’





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