The government announced today that the pandemic is as good as over. 'Wear a mask if you must, wash your hands, keep your distance, whatever - loser,' said a government spokesman.
When it was pointed out that 797 people had died in the last seven days and that 70 had died in the same seven days last year the spokesman pointed out that due to the 'fantastic benefit of the vaccines people aren't getting as unwell and those who died probably weren't as unwell as those a year ago thanks to the vaccines. They probably died a lot weller this year,' he added.
The government has denied that the return to schools where social distancing, masks and common sense were being ditched would result in any increase in deaths. 'There can't be any more grandparents for the blighters to infect, surely?' he asked.