It is rumoured that after 12 months of unemployment Dominic Cummings is still struggling to find work, as despite numerous job offers after interview, he never seems able to get a character and professional reference from his previous job.
"I don't get it" fumed the former special advisor, "I go into the interview, fix the panel with the old hypno-eye-stare and all goes well. But then I get turned down! Me! I mean, all I need is a letter testifying to how I dress appropriately for the workplace, work well in a team, yada yada yada - and it never seems to arrive! Typical useless civil service. Or maybe it's those layabout postmen chucking all my glowing testimonials in the bin so they can clock off early. Britain today, I ask you!"
Companies as diverse as management consultants Strategy R Us, political think tank U Pay We Say, and policy affairs consultancy Inside Track refused to comment on their reasons for turning down Mr Cummings, however Jocasta Runcorn, Head of Talent at "industry and government affairs specialists" Backscratcher, said "We ask all new recruits for a written statement from their former employer - a WhatsApp will suffice - attesting to their loyalty and discretion. No further comment."
However, one source close to No. 10 was heard to mumble "thinks he's clever does he, Mr Cunnings? Thinks he'll take me down and ruin my career? Well, two can play at that game. And for once - in fact, first time ever I think - telling the truth actually works in my favour."
Image: trudi1 | Pixabay