England football team to unite nation, say people who divided it

‘It’s coming home #euro2021,’ tweeted Home Secretary and horrible person Priti Patel, in between masturbating to the scene where Bambi’s mother gets killed and ordering officials to check that football has the proper documents to come and live here and to deport it promptly if it hasn’t.

‘Shows we were right to leave the EU cos we never won the Euros while we were in Europe,’ agreed Nigel Walker, a shaven-headed cockwomble from Essex, lifting his knuckles from the floor for just long enough to wave an England flag in the air. ‘Eng-er-land! Eng-er-land! But I’m sure all the Remoaner traitor Marxist scum will agree to keep politics out of it and get behind the team.’

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