Family actually prefer my armchair Olympic commentaries, says Dad
A man has claimed that his wife and three children actually prefer the expert analysis that he is delivering throughout the Olympics, compared to the official BBC commentaries provided by ex-gold medallists and broadcasters with years of experience.
Pete Mcbride, 47, has been delivering haiku style summaries of every Olympic performer from his Laz-E-Boy recliner since the early hours of Saturday morning, ranging from the gymnastics floor event ('he pulled out of that planche to handstand there') to tae-kwon do ('that's surely got to be a gam-jeon'?.'
'I think the family likes to know what's going on - the official commentators just seem to miss some of key kernels of insight', said McBride, with one eye on the Men's triathlon. 'I see my role as a kind of public information service....oh, that's a sloppy transition from the bike from the Ukrainian there - that's going to cost him'.
'Lots of splash on entry there', continued McBride, making the exact same point for at least the 20th time on the synchronised diving event. 'The difficulty rating was high, but the judges have been panning them on different rotation speeds'.
'By day 5, me and the three kids now know for sure that its a balance between difficulty level and execution in a lot of events, that the third 500 metres in rowing races are key, that the Cubans have a rich pedigree in boxing, and that getting a 10 in the archery is 'definitely top drawer', said a weary Sarah McBride, Pete's wife. 'I don't think we can take any more'.
'The family look to be 'in the red' already in terms of stamina', summarised McBride excitedly. 'They'll need to dig deep if they've any hope of making it through to finals day with me. Otherwise, they'll unfortunately go into the repecharge'