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GPs urged to put 'drink poison' advice on their surgery answerphones



'You should realise that the GPs in our ranks are seriously overworked,' said a spokes-enema for the Brutish Medical Association.


'They are swamped by a backlog of millions of pesky patients demanding attention for their aches, their pains and their early warning signs of cancer.


'As an offshoot of the British Medical Association, which treats healthcare provision with the callous bluntness that's needed, we are advising family doctors to record messages on their surgery answerphones advising patients to drink poison rather than making pains of themselves outside working hours.


'It stands to reason, really. Whatever illnesses you patients are moaning about will either have disappeared within the three months or so that it takes to see your GPs, or they will have become so acute that you will probably die from them.


'So you will be doing yourselves, your fellow taxpayers and the entire medical establishment a favour if you skip all the intermediate fuss and clock out early.


'Just listen to the sensible advice on your GP practice's answerphone and drink some poison. After all, what do you all really think you have to live for?'


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