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Grimsby man tells of harrowing ten-hour ordeal with Bear Grylls

A Grimsby man has told of the 'harrowing ten-hour ordeal' he endured when having to watch an entire series of Bear Grylls survival shows.

Tim Hogarth said: 'It was my turn to have access to my son Daniel for the weekend, so with a long Saturday stretching out before us I was delighted when he suggested we just stayed in, ordered pizza and streamed box sets.

'How was I to know the silly little bugger had become obsessed with Bear Grylls and his ludicrous survival drivel. God help me, but I had to watch ten of the wretched shows back-to-back.'

Now with Daniel safely back with Mum for the next two weeks, Tim revealed he has cancelled his Sky and Netflix subscriptions, and as an extra precaution, smashed his beloved 72-inch TV to avoid any possible repetition of the "sheer mind-numbing purgatory inflicted upon him".

Still deeply scarred by the experience he added: 'The reason I don't need to know how to distil my own piss or extract vital nutrition from baboon semen and coyote shite, is because I'll be in the pub then down the curry house.

'In common with nearly everyone else on the planet I have absolutely no intention of getting myself lost in some fucking jungle or desert in the arse-end of nowhere.'

A spokesman for Bear Grylls pointed out that technically Grimsby 'is the arse end of nowhere.'

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15 jul 2023

Couldn't agree more. Andrew Tate on steroids. Ray Mears on the other hand.

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