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High Court rules Owen Smith unelectable

In a landmark ruling, the judge said that no self-respecting voter should be coerced into supporting Owen Smith, even if, his was the only name on the ballot. He would only be permitted a pity vote, comprising of reluctant relatives, ex-girlfriends and any mate of Tony Blair's still awaiting trial.

In his ruling, the judge explained that it was unlawful to vote for someone so blatantly careerist; although that may now call into question the UK's last 400 years of elections. Voters will now be free to express their true feelings towards Mr. Smith - using a large wicker man and an expressive Morris dance.

Smith's only hope of picking up some votes rest with a combination of spoilt ballots, discarded lottery tickets and expired 'Smith and Western' buffet vouchers. A member of 'Vote Smith or Else' defended their candidate: 'When we said one man one vote, we didn’t mean literally.’

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