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Johnson’s water cannon is a giant enema

The cannon is designed to relive the capital of unpleasant faecal impaction – or in laymen’s terms ‘six years of Boris as mayor’. Yet, Mr. Johnson has made it clear that there is only room for one stubborn turd in London’s glistening poop shoot.

An aide explained: ‘Think of Mr. Johnson as an unwanted piece of sweetcorn. At best he’s an irritant, at worst he’s a blockage to the body politic. And it’ll take one giant douchebag to get rid of another giant douchebag’.

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