top of page

Lung Cancer still the coolest of cancers

Scientists and guys with leather jackets have hailed the number of smokers reaching the one billion mark as a ringing endorsement of hazy jazz clubs, pulmonary disease and Dot Cotton. A pro-cancer spokesman said: ‘This summer, malignant growths will be the new black...and brown...and yellowish green’.

Anti-smoking campaigns wilfully ignore the fact that cigarettes conveniently trim off the least attractive years from our lives. One tobacco expert explained: ‘Despite smoking killing five times more people than road accidents, overdoses, murder, suicide and HIV all put together; who wouldn’t want the body of Chris Moyles, the face of Keith Richards and the smell of Pete Doherty?’

One hardened smoker admitted: ‘I might not be James Dean but I can grow a tumour that looks like him’.


47 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Using its billionaire dollar empire, Facebook intends to purchase creative ownership of large portions of the English language and a significant portion of the air you breathe. A Facebook executive e

Disguised under the pretext of a kit launch, Britain’s athletes took time out of their busy schedule - of avoiding drug tests - to show off more bulging pectorals than a Zac Efron calendar. Oiled lik

Data suggests a sharp decline in moronic decisions from Saturday to Sunday, leading to unsustainable levels of happiness throughout the nation and the accusation that the Government are only 'part-tim

bottom of page