In front of an audience of millions, a frail 56-year old woman collapsed onto a nubile dancer - impaling him on a pair of spiked breasts. While the O2 crowd were shocked to see the young dancer bleed to death, the elderly Madonna Louise Ciccone survived the incident thanks to the elasticity of a body, made solely from silicone.
Descending on a diamond encrusted Stannah stair-lift, Madonna put on a brave face – which involved several collagen injections. She reassured fans that she would not let the incident change her lifestyle but would not be opening the front door to strangers any time soon. A spokesman for Age Concern said: ‘Nobody wants to see a quinquagenarian dry-humping a Zimmer frame. They deserve dignity, not choreography involving mobility scooters and bondage gear’.