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Magic 8 ball determines cabinet reshuffle

A flunky at 10 Downing Street was observed taking delivery of a Magic 8 ball yesterday, in advance of the cabinet reshuffle.

A source said: ‘Boris believes very strongly in letting fate and/or other cabinet ministers take the blame for whatever has been grossly mismanaged this time. There’s no point in getting all scientific about it, we just let the magic 8 ball decide.'

'For example, should Gavin Williamson have kept his job as Education secretary, despite being Gavin Williamson. Magic 8 ball said “Definitely not, he's Gavin Willliamson”. Could Bob “The Builder” Jenrick fix it as Housing Minister? Magic 8 ball said “Er...No”. Would it be fun to lock Dominic Raab in a room with an angry bear and let nature take its course. Magic 8 ball said “Dream big”.’

Johnson was also spotted in the garden of 10 Downing Street late yesterday, picking the petals from a daisy to determine if Laura Kuenssberg really loves him.

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