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Many chipped dogs still running on Windows Vista

Owners who failed to update their dog’s software report their pets forgetting basic commands and often becoming frozen in mid-jump. One grieving owner said: ‘My dog suddenly ran out into traffic. I called out to Tyson to ‘stop’ but he seemed to have trouble processing instructions. Just as the lorry hit him everything just went blue, with the phrase ‘fatal system error’.’

Commented one disgruntled teenager: ‘I was hoping for an Xbox for Christmas and all I got was this Puppy 1.0. It comes with an annoying polyphonic yapping noise and doesn’t even have the flea-bytes of the Rover 3.0. Apparently, I’ve got take it for walks? It’s like someone turned a fitbit into a real dog’s dinner.’

Despite the legal requirement for all dogs to be chipped, only 9% of owners saw it as priority, whereas 86% agreed it would be ‘handy’ if cats came with WiFi. An RSPCA spokeswoman said: ‘While it’s cruel to force any dog to upgrade to Windows 10, if your pet is running on Windows Vista it should be destroyed under the dangerous dog’s act and as a simple act of mercy.

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