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Maths teachers to be released back into the wild

A captive breeding programme, that has tripled number of Iberian lynx, has successfully been applied to the UK's lesser-spotted maths graduate. The EEP quipped: 'Mathematicians are solitary creatures, afraid of human contact or conversations about sports. Admittedly they will scent-mark their territory, but that usually extends to just one classroom and shabby book cupboard'.

Initially a dozen newly qualified Maths teachers will be placed in the wilds of an inner-city secondary school. Should they survive, further dweebs will air-dropped into rural communities and socially awkward situations.

‘You can spot a Maths teacher by its distinctive plumage, be-socked sandal and leather elbow patches. A 'mature dork' will sport tufty-ears, a nervous disposition and a sweat soaked cardigan. Up until now, numerical ignorance has only had one natural predator - an urban fox armed with an abacus.’

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