Mermaids ‘a massive disappointment’ says marine biologist
- Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
- Sep 19
- 1 min read
Andrew Scott PhD has been fascinated by marine biology since seeing Daryl Hannah play a mermaid in Splash.
‘I never had much luck with girls. None of the science kids did. Daryl Hannah was significantly more attractive than any girl I could feasibly pull, but casting her as a mermaid made her seem . . . attainable, I suppose. Like a refugee or a single mum. Needy.
‘I immediately applied to study marine biology. Wish I’d gone for refugee studies now. Is that a thing? If they’d just advertised a degree in Meeting Women I could have gone for that and been happy, but instead I spent the next 20 years getting seasick and watching out for mermaids.
‘Anyway, long story short – they’re pretty, but if you’re hoping to lose your . . . how can I put this . . . upper half excellent, lower – no, that makes me sound shallow. They don’t have all the bits. Plus they smell of fish. I could cope with the aroma, but . . . oh god, there’s no good way to say this, is there? There’s nowhere to put your wingwang.'
We tried to verify Dr Scott’s account with other marine biologists, but most have transferred to Refugee Studies and declined to comment.
