The government has appointed legendary weatherman Michael Fish to complete the forthcoming Office for Budget Responsibility financial forecast, it has been announced.
‘Michael is of course well-known for his highly credible forecasting abilities,’ said Patent Pending, a special advisor within the Cabinet Office. ‘Over decades, he forged a reputation for calming nerves and providing common-sense reassurance when people overreact or panic.
‘Fish is precisely the voice of sanity we all need to hear to demonstrate that actually there is no crisis, and that the country isn’t being run by a bunch of total buffoons,' continued Pending.
‘He has said he will produce his report on 13th October’,' said Pending. ‘Coincidentally, this will be 35 years to the day since he reported on an imminent weather incident that I think saw some moderate winds hit the UK, and maybe a few trees fell down.’
However, the government may be disappointed with the outcome. A leak of the executive summary of the OBR report is said to reveal Fish saying: ‘Apparently, everyone in the country has rung the BBC to say that the Tory government is a total shitshow. Well if you’re watching…I can confirm that it’s absolutely true’.