Liz Truss in Energy Saving Mode

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A spokesperson for Number 10 has confirmed today Liz Truss has been set to 'power saving mode' following risks that she may shut down over the winter.

This affects the speed of both her thought and her speech and has cleared up the mystery of why she was talking slower than a sloth with a zimmer frame during the Conservative Party conference.

The spokesperson denied this was the reason she was talking slowly in the local radio interviews in the week before the conference., suggesting that as her schedule was really busy, it was necessary to restrict interviewers to ask one question in their allotted time.

The spokesman also confirmed that the Prime Minister had accidentally been set on 'pause' in the days following the mini budget.

Story: notamused

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Conservatives to offer internships as Prime Minister

'We got the idea from "Have I Got News For You?" ' said a spokesman. 'When Angus Deayton had to leave because of the, erm, cocaine allegations, they brought in guest presenters. We’ve been doing the same with our Prime Ministers.'

The Conservative Party’s plan is to allow the children of wealthy donors to each do a week as "Intern PM" .

'Oh, they’d run the country, much as Liz is doing now,' said the spokesman. 'It will look good on their CVs and the chances are the pound might rally a bit.'

Keir Starmer described the idea as ‘interesting’ and asked if there would be an age limit.

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Michael Fish appointed to produce Office for Budget Responsibility forecast

The government has appointed legendary weatherman Michael Fish to complete the forthcoming Office for Budget Responsibility financial forecast, it has been announced.

‘Michael is of course well-known for his highly credible forecasting abilities,’ said Patent Pending, a special advisor within the Cabinet Office. ‘Over decades, he forged a reputation for calming nerves and providing common-sense reassurance when people overreact or panic.

‘Fish is precisely the voice of sanity we all need to hear to demonstrate that actually there is no crisis, and that the country isn’t being run by a bunch of total buffoons,' continued Pending.

‘He has said he will produce his report on 13th October’,' said Pending. ‘Coincidentally, this will be 35 years to the day since he reported on an imminent weather incident that I think saw some moderate winds hit the UK, and maybe a few trees fell down.’

However, the government may be disappointed with the outcome. A leak of the executive summary of the OBR report is said to reveal Fish saying: ‘Apparently, everyone in the country has rung the BBC to say that the Tory government is a total shitshow. Well if you’re watching…I can confirm that it’s absolutely true’.

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