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MP Bob Stewart saves the day

Tory MP Bob Stewart has been hailed as a hero by Newsbiscuit as he stepped forward to ensure the party was able to maintain its unblemished record of having a scandal for Newsbiscuit to report on for every day of the year.

Newsbiscuit’s political editor told colleagues on Friday “It was looking a bit grim for a while, after most Tories had been keeping their heads down after the revelations of the pandemic scandals, and on Friday there was nothing to publish other than my concern over whether we had enough cash in the petty cash tin to buy a tube of ointment to ease scratched bollocks. It really was that desperate trying to find a story to publish.”

Bob Stewart was convicted of racial abuse and given a £600 fine, along with being advised not to go near a deli counter in case he was mistaken for gammon and cut into slices.

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