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Overcrowded prisons great news for shady Tories

Concerns had been raised that crooked conservatives were 'looking a bit uneasy', but it appears they are now 'soothed' by news that that prisons have reached capacity.

Campaigner for crooked politicians, Norbert Hermington, said "there'd been some serious nerves about the possibility that they might get their comeuppance, but with this news they're thankfully sleeping easy."

He went on to thank the Government for their policy of filling the jails with climate change protesters and petty criminals, and the Ministry of Justice for underfunding the courts. There was special mention to Boris Johnson for both failing to deliver the jails and extra spaces he promised, as well as extending stop-and-search.

The Prison Minister (formerly the Prisons Minister), Duncan Thwaite, said that the reassurance felt in many quarters was a testament to his department's work to ensure that the prison couldn't be at capacity, citing the inability to employ enough staff, several wings not being maintained as fit for purpose, and the limited access to rehabilitation programmes.

Tory voter, Don Hobart, said "I couldn't bear to think how distressed they were about maybe going down for all this corruption. I'm glad they can now go back to their mansions and palaces to peacefully wallow in their ill-gotten gains.

"I was worried about being voted out," said bent backbencher Alison Toppingham. "Obviously I'm still going to be voted out, but now I'm not worried."

image from pixabay

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