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Prisoners leave HMP Blunder for the Christmas break


HMP Blunder is breaking up for the Christmas holidays after a busy autumn term.


Its 347 inmates will be released by mistake to wander around deprived areas of London in their prison clothes until they are rounded up by the police and herded back to their cells.


HMP Blunder's governor, Eric Bungle, will oversee the end-of-term prize giving ceremony, when everyone will sing the prison song: It's the Most Blunderful Time of the Year.


Hadush Kebatu is to be given the Metropolitan Police Award for being the cinchest person ever to catch.


Justice Secretary David Lammy has been made Head Scapegoat, so that the Prison Service has someone to take the blame for its constant foul-ups.


There will be no deportations at the end of term because the Home Office has been too disorganised to arrange the flights.


HMP Blunder starts its new term in January, or February, or whenever the cops manage to find everyone.


It will then be welcoming several new faces, thanks to Mr Lammy's cost-cutting court reforms. They'll be people sent to jail on the whim of a judge after a jury-less trial, or having had no trial at all.



Ministry of Justice to implement new hard-hitting plans to deal with convicted prisoners



In an attempt to staunch the recent and highly embarrassing flow of prisoners being allowed to go free moments after having been sentenced to imprisonment, the Ministry of Justice has issued new tough guidelines.


A department spokesman explained: 'We've come up with a rather clever scheme, actually. As convicted prisoners leave the dock, a security guard will accompany them to a holding area in the court to be known as "the cells".


'There they will await the arrival of transport to bring them to jail. Upon arrival there they will be shown into their new accommodation and the door will then be locked. Why no one's thought of it before is somewhat puzzling. Gosh, what silly old sausages we've been.' 


Photo by 7500 RPM on Unsplash

Four prisoners freed in error survive as soldiers of fortune



The BBC has been told at least four prisoners, released in error, are still at large. They are believed to be a crack commando unit, that was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men were promptly released under government guidelines from a maximum security stockade . They are still wanted today, surviving as soldiers of fortune.



The four members of the gang are; John 'Hannibal' Smith, Templeton Peck (aka 'Faceman'), 'Howling Mad' Murdock and 'B.A.' Baracus. They are known to drive around in a customised 1983 GMC Vandura van, recognisable by its black and gray two-tone paint job, red stripe, red turbine-style wheels, and rooftop spoiler.



The public are being warned not to leave any welding gear unattended, and to keep all old yellow school busses safely locked away. If you have a problem, If no one else can help, even if you can find them, David Lammy is warning people not to approach them. Especially with your phone camera, he doesn't need any more bad publicity


Image: WixAI

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