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Own brand cola not sh$t enough

With the discovery of human waste in Coca Cola cans, supermarkets will be hard-pressed to come up with a cheap alternative that matches the aroma and viscosity of liquid poo.  True, most children acknowledge the innate figurative ‘sh$tness’ of shop brand pop, but this literal ‘shit$ness’ has led to the strapline 'Taste the Feeling and Feel the Gastroenteritis’.

Diet Coke will now be able to guarantee zero calories, thanks to the ensuing diarrhoea and vomiting. Coke has long guarded its ‘secret’ recipe from competitors but no one knew it was a Belfast ‘jobby’.  The Food Standards Agency said: ‘Nobody wants faeces in a can. Unfortunately, it turns out Coke actually is the Real Thing’.

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