Just a week into the new term, parents are threatening to go on strike unless school uniforms are nationalised.
The ultimatum follows the leak of a report that showed the amount spent on uniforms this year exceeded NASA’s annual budget.
The proposed strike would affect essential services provided by mums and dads such as creating a World Book Day costume with 30 minutes notice, explaining why algebra will be useful in later life and liaising with the Tooth Fairy.
“If we don’t put school uniforms into public ownership, they’ll soon cost more than replica football kits. And I don’t mean Arsenal or Newcastle kits; I’m talking about kits for big teams” explained Bob Vine, a spokesman for the Coalition of Really Annoyed Parents (CRAP).
“It’s not just the cost, it’s the quality too. My son’s jumper already looks like a string-vest and his jacket is apparently water soluble.”
Parents are also demanding a public inquiry into allegations that school dinners are being seasoned with growth hormones after it emerged that thousands of children have already outgrown their new blazers, trousers and shoes.
Mr Vine is sceptical about the government’s plan to mitigate the effects of any strike by using army personnel.
“Just because you can diffuse a bomb in Iraq while under enemy fire doesn’t mean you’ve got the nerves of steel required to take a hyperactive five year-old to a birthday party at a soft-play.”