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Parklife Gutlord gets revenge on fat-shaming Blur

Updated: Dec 27, 2021

The walker criticised in Blur’s Parklife song for being a gutlord and told to “get some exercise” says he has finally got his own back on the band.

Benedict Beetlebum has shed six stone since being fat-shamed by the Britpop stars more than a quarter of a century ago.

The 63-year-old says he is in the best shape of his life and is now demanding an apology from the foursome for causing 27 years of embarrassment.

“To be criticised by someone who gets up when he wants except on Wednesdays – and then merely thinks about leaving the house - is ridiculous,” said the former gutlord.

“My friend John – he’s still got brewer’s droop, sadly – wants to try to lose weight too.

“I told him it’s got nothing to do with your Vorsprung durch Technik: just follow simple dietary advice.”

Mr Beetlebum had hoped to hold a vigil in the park in support of obese people, but the home secretary, Priti Patel, refused permission.

A Home Office spokeswoman said: “We don’t want a bunch of fatties parading in public – that’s what the Conservative Party conference is for.”

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