Planet Earth to be recycled
Updated: Dec 8, 2021
The Elders of the universe will be upcycling the Earth into a 'show planet'. Junior Elder Bob Nelly told local news service Galactic Associated Press, 'The humans have nearly finished with the planet. When they've finally destroyed all life on it including themselves, then it will be automatically reclassified as secondhand junk in accordance with universe regulations.'
'The Elders had a council meeting last Thursday, and it was agreed that we can't just have another dead planet hanging around looking very sorry for itself in the cheap end of the galaxy. As is the policy these days, when planets are finished with, we now try to recycle them into something useful. Or at least pretty looking.
'We're very pleased to announce that Earth will get some fancy new silver rings, and a smashing new purple and orange paint job. That's what is in fashion at the moment and we think it will look both very snazzy and quite trendy.'