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Planet not on fire say fossil fuel fans

Renegade maverick free thinkers, who half-read something on Facebook written by Shell and BP, have come together to jauntily deny that climate change is happening, even as the floodwaters hurtle past their homes.

One climate change sceptic shouted, ‘I’m not on fire! You’re on fire - wait -I mean no-one is on fire’, as the flames consumed them as well as large parts of California, Turkey, Greece, Siberia, Algeria, the Amazon and elsewhere.

In Australia, climate change deniers are still politically influential, despite the country being a massive desert and almost always actively aflame.

‘I don’t like it when Greta Thunberg says the world is heading towards a climate apocalypse. But when David Attenborough uses exactly the same words to mean exactly the same thing, I immediately became a climate warrior.’ said one sexist.

Thunberg’s Twitter roasts of world leaders are now considered so fierce that they themselves have been contributing to the rising temperatures.

A Kremlin spokeswoman said ‘Thunberg murdered Putin with words, and he had a good cry on his golden toilet after he saw it. Then he took his shirt off and rode a horse to feel better.’

One climate scientist said, ‘Thank goodness, ole Trumpy Trump isn’t in office. She was shooting orange fish in a racist barrel there.’ He paused to collect some bottles of whisky, bags of cocaine and two busty strippers from under his lab bench, saying, ‘It’s the end of the world mate, might as well enjoy it.’

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