With a trigger finger as itchy as Lee Harvey Oswald covered in ants, Theresa May has inadvertently signed the wrong sub-clause of the EU convention. Article 51 (not 50), is as complicated as it is obscure, and unfortunately renames Luxembourg as ‘Gromperekichelcher Land’, cedes Belgium to the Congo and turns ketchup green.
Constitutional experts are concerned that this may leave the UK being ruled by the House of Plantagenet and cocker-spaniel named ‘Derek’. While Article 50 would have resulted in Brexit, 51 will make Klingon the official language, give badgers the right to vote and replace the pound with the Vietnamese dong.
Theresa May had originally written to all member states explaining the UK’s position, using a sad emoji and a change of billing address. Yet the clerical error was soon spotted when the brick, that the letter was wrapped around, was found to breach EU building regulations.
Not triggering 50 may mean that Britain is stuck with Nigel Farage as Head of State and that ‘Moonlight’ will have to hand back their Oscar. Failing to prematurely eject from the EU, Mrs. May has inspired the rest of Europe to shout: ‘Ready, steady…just go, already.’
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