Following in a long line of militarily and diplomatically inept Prime Ministers, Theresa May now has the difficult decision as to which nation to send back to the Middle Ages. David Cameron has already had his Libya and Tony Blair left his indelible sh$t stain throughout the Middle East, leaving Mrs May with a choice between an archipelago in the Pacific Ocean, Liechtenstein or Middlesbrough.
The UK has a glorious tradition of international meddling, annexing and sneakily painting countries pink on a map. In recent years British PMs have specialized in taking Christianity and democracy to hotter climates, through the performance medium of ballistic missiles and the missionary position. Upping the stakes, Mrs May has said she will use nuclear weapons in a dire emergency and appointing Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary is the first step in that direction.
Her spokesman explained: 'Mrs May would like to be remembered for all the right reasons, rather than Brexit. But of course there is a fine line between war criminal and liberator. In the same way there is a fine line between Weapons of Mass Destruction and a crock of sh$t. Obviously there will be deciding factors in her choice of nation to obliterate - a) Is it a humanitarian crisis? b) Is there oil? and c) Will any white folks get injured? The PM is determined to annihilate another nation…just as soon as she has finished with ours’.
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