Much to the surprise of those who spend their time checking hens for teeth and pigs for wings, the Minister stunned political analysts by suggesting drug addiction is primarily a health, rather than a criminal, issue. Just for one fleeting moment, voters were reminded why democracy matters, why rainbows exist and why Boris Johnson on a zip wire never stops being funny.
Applying common-sense, logic and reasoned argument, the Minister caused so many double-takes, that reporters complained of whiplash. One journalist remarked: ‘I just felt really uncomfortable with him being honest. It’s unsettling. Like seeing Richard Dawkins dressed as Santa’. Many speculated that the MP would need to be under the influence of drugs to actually take a principled stand on drugs.
A rejuvenated Minister stated that he had found is his moral fibre, alongside his testacles and the lost city of Atlantis. A spokesman said: ‘We’ve also got a photo of Big Foot’.