Pompey racists still better than the Southampton ones

The south coast rivalry as to who has the thickest hooligans is no contest, after the people of Portsmouth managed to injure police officers and damage property all in one night. Anti-immigrant protestors exchanged increasingly serious nods across vast distances until someone developed neck strain. This was followed by a bout of professional bin kicking and the hundred-metre Menacing Walk Cup.

The Pompey lads were miles ahead in the competitive pointing at things metric, spending six hours aggressively gesturing at the same bus stop until nobody remembered why. This was followed by the Standing About Trophy, where they leant against walls while looking vaguely threatening without actually doing anything.

The final victory went to whoever could carry an empty plastic bag around town for the longest time while acting as if it's extremely important. One anti-immigrant lout spoke out, between coke and booze sessions, ‘Me smash. Me smash good.’ Which is probably the most profound thing he ever said since failing his O-levels.

Image: WixAI

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