Prince William sells off 20% of Cornwall-which is all of the pasty filling

The Prince of Wales is cashing in on the fact that a pasty is essentially a treasure chest where the treasure is edible and the chest is made of cardboard and sawdust. It’s the only food where the filling is the meal and the rest is concrete. The twenty percent represents all of the tasty part and the only recognisable section that be considered actual food—leaving us with a hollow shell of a crust, a bit like Prince Andrew.

Said a Royal spokeswoman; 'The crust isn’t there for flavour—it’s there to remind you life is hard before things get good. A Cornish pasty is a reverse sandwich, insofar as people like sandwiches. You don’t finish a pasty—you excavate it, abandoning the rubble.' The Crown expects to raise £500m with sale, which will be invested in a nice sausage roll from Greggs.

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