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Proof of not being Michael Gove now required for entry to Scottish nightclubs

From 1st October anyone who wishes to go to a nightclub in Scotland will be refused entry unless they can provide compelling evidence that there isn’t the slightest risk of them being Michael Gove.

This new regulation will grant nightclub staff the power to prevent anyone from trying to barge in for free under the guise of being the Chancellor of Duchy of Lancaster or other such made up sounding jobs. As an added safety precaution, bouncers will also be required to immediately eject any high-risk revellers, preferably by force, from the premises who are seen dad dancing in an ill-fitting suit to hardcore Jungle music.

If these measures are strictly implemented by all nightclubs in Scotland, the SNP are reportedly hopeful that staff and customers will not be subjected to any future outbreaks of Govid on the dancefloor.

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