Chessington World of Adventures closes Boris Johnson Teacup Ride

A story stating nothing more than 'Alton Towers closes World of David Walliams' has exposed a handy tool.

Lawyers ensuring news in the public interest cannot be reported 'for legal reasons' have been beaten off at a Pulitzer Prize winning level of saying it without saying it.

Following on from this news, further suppressed stories have been revealed. An unnamed source at a uniquely funded institution confirmed, 'Thorpe Park has shut down the Michael Gove House of Horrors, and Blackpool Pleasure Beach will get a complete Russell re-Brand.

'There's little need for further news surrounding Windsor Safari Park, as it's a royal knockout.

'In stories illegally buried in America, however, another dangerous ride on Epstein Island was broken, and Disney closes Donald Fantasy Castle.'

Michael Gove definitely did something naughty

Fortunately as we don't know what it is, we are completely unable to speculate. This also means any super injunction won't work on us, as you can only gag someone who has something to say.

That said, it's fascinating that every recent news story about him has been expunged from the internet. It's almost as if someone had something to hide. Hmmm.

We can however report on his previous scandals - PPE corruption, trashing the school system and looking like Pob. But whatever you do, don't google Gove-Goat-Jelly-Pegging. There's no such thing.

image from Grok

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Gove denies he is ‘an evil Sith Lord hellbent on ruling the galaxy’

Former Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, Michael ‘Et Tu Brute’ Gove has refuted claims that ‘the darkness inside him’ is in fact an evil superpower of galactic proportions, which if unleashed, would make the new Tory frontbench burn even faster than a moisture farmer on Tatooine. He has now set his sights on going all the way to the top and may very soon make his move to become the new Leader of the Galactic Empire.

Gove, who has taken to appearing via hologram at meetings to ‘cut down on his carbon footprint’ and is now frequently seen wearing a hooded cloak to ‘save money on the heating bill’, has tried to assure the public he is behaving this way purely to emphasise the key issues the government are failing to address, and certainly not because he plans to ‘strike anyone down with all his hatred’ any time soon. In an attempt to convince sceptics that there is no sinister undercurrent to his actions, Gove took to Twitter to condemn ‘the feeble skills’ of former colleagues who are trying to discredit him and tweeted that, ‘U-turns on tax cuts are no match for the power of the darkside, er I mean robust fiscal policy.’ Gove’s tweet has so far only been liked and retweeted by one other Twitter user – a political influencer and trance DJ who goes by the name of Darth Insidious.

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Image: Pexels | Pixabay

First published 11 Oct 2022

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