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Queen overheard using the ‘C-word’


To the embarrassment of the Foreign Office, Her Majesty was caught on camera confirming the existence of China, a fact that had previously been suppressed for much of the 20th century. Since a little awkwardness over the 1856 Opium Wars, Britain has been pretending that there was nothing behind the Great Wall; other than a skip filled with broken ceramics and one ‘dilapidated dragon costume’.


So successful had the cover-up been, that many foolishly assumed that the iPhone came from the US. and that ‘Made in China’ was somewhere near Salford. A flustered diplomat complained: ‘We’ve now got to explain who owns everything and why forks are rubbish. We’re deeply sorry China is real and don’t get me start about Atlantis. It’s the elephant in the room. If the elephant had not already been shot for its ivory and chopped up for its aphrodisiac properties. Look, diplomatically we’ll have to embark upon a period of delicate truth and reconciliation – so step forward Prince Philip.’

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