Updated: Nov 23, 2021
Windsor and Maidenhead council have given the royal household planning permission to demolish the old energy-inefficient castle and replace it with a 500-foot high Egyptian pyramid.
A spokesperson said the permission had been granted following reports that emissions from the castle had completely melted a Swiss glacier.
Her Majesty was ecstatic with the decision. ‘It’s what one has always wanted,’ she said, in between drags on one of the royal families own brand e-cigarettes.
‘One has no double glazing, and it’s exceptionally draughty. One is also informed that the sixteenth-century central heating system, which is powered by the crushed bones of universal benefit claimants, is not sustainable in the long term.
Apart from a pyramid being a magnificent celebration of the greatest and longest-ruling monarch ever in British history, it will be carbon neutral. A pyramid, you see, is hermetically sealed, and there will be no emissions. Well, apart from the screams from my faithful retainers, who one is taking with one, but that should die down in a week or so.’