Red Arrows to be made from paper
- Wrenfoe
- 7 minutes ago
- 1 min read
As part of a cost cutting measure, the iconic flight team will be carefully constructed from paper and the occasional rubber band. They will represent the UK internationally by being mailed in a large envelope. Diplomatic missions now involve carefully unfolding them on arrival and apologising for any creases.
The pilots will still need to maintain ultra tight formation—while being blown sideways by a toddler’s sneeze. Holding exact airspeeds will be difficult when your only engine is gravity. Expect to see moments when Red 1 calls “steady at 40 knots”, and the squadron collectively drifts downward like disappointed confetti or a dying moth. They will still appear at major UK airshows—mostly indoors, because rain is fatal.
They will execute synchronised aerobatics provided no one’s fold is slightly wonky. They will endure high G forces or at least the G force equivalent of being flicked. A spokesman confirmed, “Spectators will cheer as nine paper darts glide past in a majestic, slightly wobbly diagonal. Coloured smoke is now just felt tip pen stripes - Red, White and Blue - drawn on the wings. Very patriotic. Very washable. Meet the public afterwards . . . usually by being picked up and re-thrown by children.”
