Reform to review all asylum claims since 1066

Should they win the next election anyone over 5.6ft or 35 years will be deported. Specifically the recent influx of Normans and their inability to integrate without shooting people in the eye.

A spokeswoman said: 'The true English should be riddled with smallpox and live in a pigsty, with none of this newfangled clean water. And the average Brit is a peasant called Ethelbert.'

Weeding out the pseudo-French may prove hard, given that Reform's leader is called Farage. However, the party is confident it can reset Brexit to 1066. 'It's far easier to leave Europe before it even existed. We'll put an end to Norman immigration and will return to a happier time of Viking invasions.'