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Peace in Gaza is just pieces



A ceasefire has finally broken out in Gaza, as there are no more Palestinians to kill and Israel has finally run out of bullets. Subsequently, this uneasy truce will only last as long the IDF promises not to reload and the Palestinians promise not to breathe. What remains of the region lies in rubble, making it only slightly more attractive than Hastings.


A negotiator said: 'Palestinians can return to their homes or have their homes returned to them in these ironically named - bags for life. Instructions on how to reassemble your family* will be included, with an Allen key, some glue and a mixed bag of liberal excuses. *Appearances may differ from original photographs.'


One rueful refugee commented: 'We've salvaged something from all our misery, mainly a lot of scrap metal.'


image from pixabay

Asylum-seekers urged to keep backstories simple



Hollywood screenwriters have pinpointed the problem with most of the people seeking asylum in the UK: their backstories are too complex for an audience raised on Eastenders.


'The Ukrainians have nailed it' said Chad, a script editor from California. 'A well-drawn if somewhat obvious villain, a humble-yet-plucky hero leading a ragtag band of underdogs against a mighty army. They should have made Zelensky single so he could fall in love with a librarian who has to become a freedom fighter – or a nurse? - but apart from that it’s a perfect script'.


Syrians have come under criticism for having a ‘complex and muddled’ backstory.


'Who’s the baddy? Who’s the goody? What’s the branding? These people have no idea how to launch a franchise. Their best chance is to do a kind of ‘Putin Origins’ storyline' said Chad. 'We could show him developing his weapons and tactics in Damascus – ooh, I know, we could show him actually on the road to Damascus! That would play great in the US of A, do you have the Bible here? Give Putin his own theme, similar to Darth Vader’s Imperial March, and make those Wagner guys dress like stormtroopers, pretty soon the Syrians would be getting housing and a welcome as well'.


Suella Braverman was asked for a statement, but she was busy designing a laser cannon for the white cliffs of Dover and posing for next week’s Daily Mail front page.



First published 29 Nov 2022



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Sudan braces itself for a wave of refugees from the USA in a few months' time



As USA prepares for its forthcoming presidential election, many of its citizens are making plans to flee the country if the Second American Civil War breaks out, in the event that Trump fails to get elected, claims that the presidency has been stolen from him yet again and demands that his followers rise up in revolt and overthrow the corrupt regime which seeks to continue to block him from power.


Europe is unlikely to be swamped with American refugees, following the clamp-down on immigration in Britain and now also in Germany and soon almost certainly to be followed by most other European countries.  So Sudan is likely to be an alternative destination, with plenty of abandoned dwellings (albeit many in need of reconstruction) and borders lightly-guarded by the authorities who are currently somewhat distracted by a certain degree of constitutional, political and military disruption.



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