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Rubbish piling up in Edinburgh

In what’s beginning to look like an annual problem, Edinburgh City Council have announced that a huge pile of rubbish from all over the country has been piling up in the city over the past few weeks.

Observers say the rubbish falls into several categories, including observational - “I mean, like, what’s that about?”; political - “F***ing b***ard Tory scum!”; feminist - “F***ing b***ard men!” and whimsical puns - “Hedgehogs - why can’t they just share the hedge?”

“This causes a great deal of nuisance to the public,” said a council official, “who can’t walk anywhere in town without having flyers forced on them, or use a phonebox or public toilet without finding it’s temporarily become a comedy venue.”

One of the officers responsible for processing the rubbish, known as “critics”, protested that they were doing their best, “but there’s just so much of it. I saw 17 shows yesterday alone, and tried to warn people about the worst of them. But even with a dozen of us covering the Fringe, we’ll never get through it all.”

Asked whether the rubbish couldn’t be recycled, the same council official laughed mirthlessly and asked “Don't you think they're doing that already? Some of Tim Vine’s gags were old when Tommy Cooper told them…”

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