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Russia wants its money back from British embassy traitor

Following the arrest of an employee in Britain's Berlin embassy who was allegedly passing intelligence to Russia, the Kremlin has asked for a full refund.

"We paid David S a fortune to feed us high-level intelligence from the British government," said a Russian government spokesman. "However, he gave us nothing that you could possibly call intelligence."

"All we got from his bug inside Downing Street was a constant stream of plummy-voiced burbling, which our agents can make no sense of whatsoever, and night-time quarrels – apparently over the new wallpaper and a badly-behaved mongrel called Dylan."

"That's how the Russians got stung," said a senior MI6 officer. "There's no point trying to spy out British state intelligence. There isn't any left."

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