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Should rare animals be doing anything other than solve erectile dysfunction?

Updated: Apr 26, 2022

A new species of, soon to be powdered, carnivore has excited impotent scientists and sufferers of limp noodle everywhere. Seconds after discovering the Olinguito, a team from the Smithsonian Institution had already established plans to employ it in sexual remedies, cosmetic experimentation and to transform it into a nice pair of shoes. Admittedly shares in ginseng have taken a tumble, but Black Rhinos said the news was not all bad.

‘We were not sure what we were seeing’, one zoologist confessed. ‘But my initial reaction was to shove the creature down my pants and to rub him on my floppy jalopy. It’s hard for me to explain how excited I am’. While other scientists were simply excited by how hard they will become.


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