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Sir Ed Davey demands “just one more go on the swings” before press conference

Sir Ed Davey frustrated his political aides today by demanding “just one more go on the swings” before giving a press conference.

The Liberal Democrat leader, whose election campaign has so far involved sliding down a waterslide, riding a bike down a hill and paddleboarding on Windermere, was today campaigning in a playground in a park near Solihull.

Aides warned him the press were already there and might take photos that would make him look silly, but he insisted. “‘Course I won’t look silly, I can go really high, look - wheeeeeeeeee!”

“I know it looks terrible,” said one aide, speaking off the record, “But you tell him no, and you can see his lip start to wobble and you know he’s going to cry. Sometimes it’s just not worth the aggravation.”

Eventually Sir Ed agreed to give the press conference on condition he could have ice cream afterwards, any flavour he wanted. He used it to set out his policy programme in full:

- To be allowed to stay up as late as he wants

- Never to have to share his toys

- His own room, ‘cause his younger brother’s just like so annoying

- Children’s TV to be on all the time

- Summer holidays to last forever, with no homework

- Official recognition that boys are way better than girls

- Chicken nuggets or fishfingers for tea every day, and no vegetables ‘cause they’re horrid

His aides hastily wrapped up the press conference, announcing he wouldn’t be taking questions as he had to go to a ceremony where he was being given a lollipop for being such a big brave boy and not crying when he grazed his knee.

image from pixabay

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