One of the country's most respected breachers of national security has been told she can use a special signal during Prime Minister's Questions this Wednesday. Fears are growing that the Home Secretary has been held under duress by Conservatives, and is being brain cleansed into the unnecessary mistreatment of asylum seekers.
'The former human rights lawyer who worked so hard to protect immigrants in danger may have been turned,' confided a deputy speaker of the House of Commons. 'Therefore, we have sent a coded message through the back channels to let her know that a special unit is on standby to swoop in and liberate her.'
'Ironically, the special unit is made up entirely of pregnant Albanian women who invaded Kent last night by clinging to a sinking dinghi in freezing conditions. But they are the toughest patriots we've got who are willing to perform their duty for this country by liberating the rest of us from the tyranny of Conservatism.'
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