A pioneering study has revealed that dead people are substantially less likely to claim benefits. A right-wing think tank claimed: ‘With a concerted effort to depress the populace, tax credits could easily be replaced with a bottle of sleeping pills; while the welfare safety-net could be made into a fetching noose. Why worry about eating, when you can just stop? For us it’s about consumer choice. And we encourage them to choose natural selection’.
Said one junior minister: ‘We need to ratchet up the austerity. With a slightly bleaker outlook, we could turn many of these suicide ‘attempts’ into actual completions. We just need people to kick the habit of handouts by kicking the bucket’.
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