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Surprise that only 1 in 10 sausages have Hepatitis E

Such is the dubious content of the nation’s favourite intestine-filled snack, that nobody would have been surprised if the ingredients were sawdust and the shredded remains of Lord Lucan. In reality, most sausages contain more cheap starch filler, than an ITV schedule.

Sausages should be cooked for 20 minutes to kill the virus, but the Department of Health has warned that it will take a lot longer to kill off the lingering doubt that you may have eaten part of a donkey. 1 in 10 sausages may be diseased, while 3 in 10 have 97% DNA in common with the person eating it.

The virus itself uses the charmingly named ‘fecal–oral route’, with abattoirs showing a big rise in confirmed cases of HEV, but coincidently a big rise in the disappearance of household pets. A doctor warned: ‘Symptoms include jaundice and nausea, but so does stumbling in on your parents having sex. So, basically avoid any sort of pig in a blanket’.

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