'Admittedly we’ve received a lot of bad press recently,' said one jaded Executive. 'What with all the explosions, asbestosis, suicide nets blah, blah blah. But we’re the good guys, right? We’re the reason that your smart phones are so cheap. Which is when our PR boys said we should try some paradoxical marketing. Use the love of cheap phones and apps to our advantage – bingo!'
All indentured staff will wear brightly coloured overalls and refer to themselves as 'Candy'. Phrases like 'Death Trap' will be banned from the work place and replaced with more positive descriptors such as 'Liquorice Tower'. Instead of fire alarms there will be a deep, sultry American voice saying 'Delicious!' While Striped Candy will shower the CEO every time corporate tax is avoided or a fair-trade competitor goes bust.
‘And when we clear out the 'dead' candies, we can start all over again!'