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Tennis is still a thing?!?


Inspired by Louis X of France, after he bludgeoned to death a midget using a polo mallet, the game of Tennis was soon adopted in England as a way to ward off evil spirits.  The then thirteenth, Marquis of Wimbledon established the first set of rules to guard from the terrors of the Reformation and Association Rules football.


Many had hoped that this archaic snooze-fest had died out alongside other historical favourites such as witch-burning and rickets. To this day, the game is still played in a Top Hat and jodhpurs, with players hitting a swan's egg over a moat.  Peasants scramble for any wayward egg (or 'ball'), then must doth their cap and buttocks upon return.  Traditionally a live fox is released into the ground in between sets and is ritually torn apart by a wild pack of reporters. 


The game is presided over by sitting High Court Judge, resplendent in a gigantic high-chair and bib.  Scoring is based on elaborate tax returns from the Cayman Islands.  While the crowd is encouraged to gasp every time a faux pas or split infinitive occurs. Cliff Richard is optional.


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