Reports from Buckingham palace report that Her Majesty the Queen completely lost her shit following the declaration of independence by Barbados.
She immediately ordered a bonfire of all Royal household Rihanna records, CD's, tapes and bootleg albums, along with any devices used to stream the singer’s tracks. Palace insiders say she also attempted to glue herself to a steel drum she was given during the royal tour of Notting Hill in 1966.
A Buckingham Palace spokesman said that Her Majesty was deeply offended by Charles having to finally say something about slavery and being replaced as head of state by some dim-witted tart called Sandra.
“Her Majesty was intensely displeasured to learn that the royal family had lost a decent family holiday location as well as a safe hideout for Andrew. As for that appalling troublemaker Rihanna she needs to learn that if it wasn’t for slavery, she would never have had the opportunity to make that vile music of hers.”