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Toddler that missed his first-choice school, abandoned by middle-class parents

An educationalist commented: 'Parents are legitimately concerned. Within three weeks of attending a struggling school, the vast majority of children become hardened criminals, obese and fans of Saturday night TV. It’s been scientifically proven that the working-class carry the highly infectious stupidity gene. For most, the thought of your child making friends with a Kayden or a Courtney is too much to bear.’

Social services have observed a spiked increase in the number of Jacobs and Jemimas left outside orphanages with nothing but a small bowl of couscous, a Boden catalogue and a £20 M&S voucher. His mother said: ‘We just decided to cut of our losses. It was either move to a new catchment area or just focus on his younger siblings. We’ve invested five good years, but we’d be throwing good money after bad. Given the choice between ditching the kid or funding a new loft extension – it’s no choice at all. I only hope little Edgar, will understand...wherever he is.’

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